Sunday, April 6, 2014
Today I want to talk about something that hurts me deeply, something that I can truly not stomach: violence against women and children, or what is generally called domestic violence. In fact, I cannot understand how could anybody feel the need to hurt people that they know so closely. I cannot understand the urge to beat anyone at all. I'm not talking about slapping someone out of anger once, even though it doesn't mean that I support that, quite the contrary, I don't support any kind of violence. I just really try to understand this whole state of mind people, mostly men, are in, when they hit or insult repeatedly somebody else, but the truth is, I just cannot. I cannot separate the act from its consequences, and thus hurting someone automatically feels wrong. How come some people don't feel that way?
I wanted to write a whole big manifesto about this, but I now feel that Jackson Katz, who fights on a daily basis against men's violence towards women, explains it in a way that I cannot. But what I can do, is assure you that domestic violence is not normal. Domestic violence is a horrible crime. And to all women that are in a such a situation, please leave. But of course, what I also know it's how difficult it is to leave those people that hurt us the most. We feel like maybe we deserve it, maybe they're not that bad, maybe they've had a bad day, it probably won't happen again, he's just a little jealous or overprotective... There are just so many excuses we can find to defend and forgive the people that we love. And if there is one thing that I believe helps in these situations is to think of how much he really loves you if he is capable of hurting you that way? Would you be capable of that too? Probably not... Then why don't you love yourself a little more than he loves you? Why don't you protect yourself more than he protects you? And why don't you blame yourself less, and blame him more? These are tiny steps, but they will make you realize how wrong this relationship is, because deep inside, you know it is, you just don't want to admit it...
Here is the speech I was talking about earlier, on TedxTalks Youtube channel:
If you are interested to read more about domestic violence and its consequences, or how to identify where is the borderline that officially says that someone is abused, here is a web page that explains all about it in a very quick and easy way:
And there is also the domesticviolence.org website that tackles with all the aspects around domestic violence, how to recognize it, how not to accept it and get away from it, etc., to which I'm giving you the definition page so that you can go see for yourself the different aspects of it which you might find interesting:
And finally, here's another video on the psychology of victims of domestic violence, more precisely about the question of why can't domestic violence victims leave:
This is how easily women get trapped in these situations, as you can see in this video made by "Homesweethomerefuge", who tries to help women victims of domestic violence:
P.S: If you are a victim of domestic violence, try not to reject others, people around you may help you, reach out to them! Your family, friends, organizations, police, youtubers&bloggers, anybody! Don't be alone in this! And the same goes for anyone who knows a person in that situation, reach out! It isn't true that you respect somebody's choices, when they do not reach out for you when they have problems, sometimes people just can't. So put your mind at peace by helping those around you that actually need help, instead of telling them the usual "I told you so" once the harm is done, it doesn't help at all, and it even worsen the person's situation, since you make him/her feel guilty and stupid.
Have a great day, and keep your mind sharp!